He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
