I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
