he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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