Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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