So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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