Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
smell my finger.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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