i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
