I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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