I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
