So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
