I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
