oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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