Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
