There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
