Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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