I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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