Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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