what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
