ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
