I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
