the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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