My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
