I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
