Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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