NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
