then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
