you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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