He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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