She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
