Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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