the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize