so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
