hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize