i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
