Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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