Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I smell like Dick and happiness
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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