dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
