Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
