That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
