You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
