I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
