I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
