Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
