I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love accidental penises.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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