so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
