batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have grass duct taped all over my body
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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