i just had sex bonerless
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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