Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
