remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
