If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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