he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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