Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
