How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
