Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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