Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
