This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
