Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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