if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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