This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
