I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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