OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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