thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
