all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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