She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
