I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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