Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
