I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The maid of honor just puked.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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